I was born William Alan Fitzgerald. Fitzgerald, of course is my family name, but I don’t have any real connections to ‘William’ or ‘Alan.’ My dad sometimes says I was named after my Uncle Allen, but if so, why isn’t my middle name spelled as he spells it? It doesn’t make sense.
So, as of now, I am changing my name.
I want a name that’s different. Really different. Different all the time. So, from now on, please call me by the whatever the current time is in Coordinated Universal Time (UTC). So, right now, my name is 2007-08-18T22:28:58. And right now my name is 2007-08-18T22:29:05. And right now my name is 2007-08-18T22:29:13. You get the point.
There are a lot of advantages to this name. It’s different, as I said. Anyone can tell what my name is simply by looking at their watch. (Well, by looking at their watch, and adding or subtracting the right number of hours). I’ve always been a bit of a time geek, so this takes the geekitude to the next level.
Plus, I’ve always wanted to have nickname. (Some people used to call me ‘Flash,’ for the same reason you might call me ‘Slim,’ but it didn’t stick.) And since it will be hard for people to get my name exactly right all the time, you can feel free to call me some some approximate time term. So, now I have lots of nicknames. Just imagine:
“Good evening, Evening!”
“How are you, Today?”
I suppose I’ll still answer to ‘Will’ (or ‘Billy’ to my aunts), but feel free to start calling me by my new name.
Sorry, gotta go down to city hall and fill out a *lot* of forms.
P.S. Did you know ‘UTC’ is a compromise abbreviation for ‘Universal Coordinated Time,’ and ‘temps universel coordonné’? Apparently, it really is, even though I learned about it on Wikipedia.